Monday's Surprise

Since I make leftovers in one go for the whole week, combined with my pension for trying new recipes nearly every week, I frequently don't know how my lunches will taste until I'm at work on Monday eating one. Hence the "Monday's Surprise" post where I share how the 'surprise' of my lunch came out. 

Vegetarian, cheesy burger-esque things? I'm in. Another pinterest find: Cheesy Cauliflower Pancakes.

Doesn't cauliflower look weird?

An albino cross between a bush and tree?

They were crazy hard to flip and often fell apart.

Actually, I had to add another 1/2 cup of cheese and a third egg to the recipe. Perhaps my Kroger cauliflower was exceptionally large? I also used Old Bay Seasoning instead of cayenne pepper.

No baking done yet this week. Unless you can count my 7 hours in the car without air conditioning this weekend...

I also had fun kitchen dancing to some Stevie Wonder. Oh what the neighbors must think ;)

Five for Friday (76-80)

Here are five things that I'm thankful for this week:

76. Gracious and helpful labmates as I learn a new project

77. The strong sense of community I feel in my Small Group

78. Train noises

79. Warm days and cool nights

80. Open floor space and big windows

My Goals, Not "Adult" Goals

One of the personal finance blogs I follow regularly, Get Rich Slowly, put an article out today that made me pause. The author described how in his early 20's he'd subscribed to the typical financial goals. House. Honeymoon. Cat. Car. These things weren't all immediately necessary, but he began saving early with a targeted savings account for each category so that by the time he was ready to own a home he'd already have the down payment socked away for it. What an awesome idea.

But there was a problem. These goals didn't actually align with his goals.

He didn't actually want to own a car. Marriage wasn't immediately in the picture. Owning a home didn't make sense for his current living situation.

So he bailed on those goals and made his own. He wrote new goals, goals true to where he was in life and where he did want to be.

Have I fallen into this pattern, too? I do love me some targeted savings goals. I am currently savings up for a cruise with my college friends five years after we graduated. I'm also working on one to take sight-seeing trip; this goal is progressing quite slowly. But what about bigger goals? Goals that require tens of thousands of dollars?

I have thought before that I should be saving for a down payment on a house. But I have realized that on my own or with housemates, I don't want to own a house. While I don't think figuring out and affordable mortgage based on whatever my current financial situation is would be daunting, I deeply do not want to have to handle maintaining the house and yard. This could me be speaking as an over-worked grad student (who has time to fix the plumbing?!). Or maybe it's something else. Truthfully, I enjoy my apartment - the price is reasonable, the space is good, and I don't have to fix the clog in the sink. So I guess I won't save for a house.

I also don't want a car. I am thankful for Big Red - she's moved me to my city. Twice. But she's 13 years old now and the maintenance costs keep creeping up. If and when she finally dies, I would rather not replace her with a different/newer car. I would prefer to live in such a place/way that I can bus and walk most places and use something like a zip car for anything else. This isn't quite feasible now because of community commitments, but I would like to be car-less in the future.

So maybe I shouldn't set myself up for the typical adult financial goals because those aren't my goals. That's...freeing.

_____
Have you ever set a goal and realized it wasn't your goal?

Pie for Breakfast

Sometimes I just need to bake. I am always tempted to bake when I'm stressed, but I'm busy enough that I usually only get as far as compiling a stack of recipes to use later.

Recently, one such recipe from my stack re-caught my eye. Deb at Smitten Kitchen has a recipe for Raspberry Breakfast Bars which made the rounds on pinterest a couple of weeks ago. The red raspberries just drew me in.

So I made time to make 'em. 

Crust and berries:

 

 Look at those beautiful berries! I used black berries too just for kicks and giggles.

A finished piece:

 

It's delicious. If the pleased noises coming from my labmates are any indication, they agree, too. :)

Now, these are called 'breakfast bars' but because of all the sugar and butter (oh, the delicious butter) that really only works if you'd also eat apple pie and count it as breakfast.

Then again I'd eat cold pizza or Chinese food for breakfast, so I'm not one to judge.

Reflections on Marriage Quotes

"Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner."

- Amy Bloom

Hm. A dance I'd like to learn. Balance and choice. Nothing and no one is perfect. What compromises will I make in my marriage partner?
 

"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness." - Ellen Goodman 

 Forgiveness and gratefulness. Those things I can cultivate now.

"No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying." - unknown quote

Yes, women can be terribly complicated. It does a man good when his women can speak whole truth. She is safe enough to speak truth, respected enough to be listen to, pursued enough to open. Don't be difficult. 
 

"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing." - Goethe

Sometimes I do think marriage is idolized as the all-consuming, -fulfilling thing where you finally have someone to take care of your needs and help make your dreams come true. Love should be part of marriage. But the lust-filled, illicit chase does not make a real,lasting marriage. It makes best sellers.
 

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin 

Falling. Again and again. With the same person. Consistent in affections. Choosing to engage. Reengage. Even as life changes who you're rendered to you can choose for your Mann/Frau to be your favorite. Train your affections.

"Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner, it feels limitless, not limited." -Gloria Steinem

 Someone who will always choose your team in dodgeball. Someone to defend you, from others, yourself, and his/herself. A tireless cheerleader of your life.

[Disclaimer, I don't know who many of these people are.]

Five for Friday (71-75)

71. Warm evenings spent reading on the porch

72. Upcoming time with friends

73. Cold is completely gone

74. Closing in on another data point at work

75. New framed photos look wonderful

My Dream Repository

If put on the spot, I often have no idea what I want. I am the kind of person who checks the menu online before going out to eat 'cause I will have a terrible time deciding what I want to eat in time any other way. [And I usually forget what I ordered right after ask for it anyway.]

I often play out scenarios in my head, just to see how they go or how I would respond to a given situation. Most of these have never happened in real life, but it's one little strategy I use.

When it comes to big, Life Questions, for example "what do you want to be when you grow up/finish your PhD," "where do you want to live next," "what kind of life rhythms do you want," "what do you want in a home," "what kind of people do you want in your life," I am more, often than not, at a loss for a quick, cogent response.

I think very slowly about these things, and usually come up with ideas in reaction to things I see that I don't want or find that I have very strong feelings towards what I do want.

It's not the kind of thing I would want to keep a list about either. Especially in light of my ever-changing kinds of keeping track of work to-do lists.

But.

I have, however, found that thinking out loud with a safe person about such things to be an incredibly effective way of figuring out what I want. Figuring out what is possible, in terms of time, people, energy, logistics, location, etc. It probably also helps that the other person's dreams/desires can get taken into account, too. One could call it Team Dreaming, perhaps.

It has become an ongoing conversation.

An open space to try on ideas and lives.

To want something, and then change my mind.

To grow-up, and learn about myself.

To figure out how to manage the responsibilities of life, while flourishing.

To plan towards desirable things (in concert or parallel) and guard against undesirables.




I am thankful for my Dream Repository.